Christianity: If I want to die, yet go to Heaven..?

Now, I don't literally want to die.. However I do some times favor feelings of.. Lifelessness. That is to say, I hear christianity speaking of everlasting, eternal life.. What if I don't want that, yet I still want to be well in the eyes of God and Christ? What if I don't want to go to heaven, nor hell.. When I die, I sometimes think I'd merely like to cease to be. As in not to exist in spirit nor the physical realm.. Is it a sin to think such things.. If I follow the teachings of Christianity to the best of my ability, to I HAVE to go to Heaven or hell? Or can I merely have my wish and enter nothingness.